sábado, 15 de outubro de 2016

Thoughts on board the flight AA739 American Airlines (Oct 7th 2016)

Today I was reading what I wrote on board of an airplane, on my way to my future.
And... Got surprised...
Decided to share what I wrote, because it also has to do with the future of this Little Treasure.

"The first day of the rest of my life
Today, eve of my forty fifth birthday, I am on a plane, all alone, on the way the rest of my life.
Is it frightening? Yes it is!
But it is more frightening to let life go without really living.
I owe that to myself and to my biggest treasure: my son!
Because we deserve a lot more than just walk by this world.
Because we deserve more than being another number in the crowd that just merely exists.
Because we deserve to be happy!
Why now?
Because I was loosing courage.
Because if I would go on waiting for the right moment maybe I wouldn't have the courage to do it.
Because I needed to know I could do it.
Because I had to escape the prison in witch I was closing myself.
Because, above all I was only existing and was starting to stop living.
Being alone on this plane...
Seating next to me, a septuagenarian couple from Philadelphia. She was once a teacher of 12 year old children. Him... I don't know...
We talked! Yes... She started talking to me and we talked for a while.
We talked about Bruno (my favorite subject). We talked about what Portugal has to offer to children like Bruno and how things work in the United States.
Such a different reality with so much more to offer...
She asked why don't I became legal in the United States and bring Bruno here (as if it was an easy task... As if that wasn't what I want most at this point).
One thing I am sure: my happiness and my son's only depend on me. It's only up to me to fight for a better future.
And that is what I am doing.
Yes! I am also escaping from a family that has given me so many heartbreaks over the years and to whom I always lowered my head and never had the courage to stand up. A family that always made me feel that I was not good enough to "belong".
I'm sure they will, once again, criticize. They will, once again, say that I am egotistical and only think of myself. Well... May they think like that... I do not want to know. Not anymore...
Life is too short. And my life was stagnant, stuck in a sea of ​​despondency where I was leaving myself to drown.
Another thing I am certain: I will give the best of me. I will be happy and help my son to be a very happy boy!
I don't believe in regrets. In life there is a reason for everything. We will see... We will see what the future hods.
Oddly enough, I haven't shed a tear yet. I said goodbye to my son at the airport and managed to contain the tears that stubbornly wanted to roll down my face. Then I had to take action and try to reach the boarding gate. Didn't have time to think a lot.
Entered the plane... searched for my seat... took it... the urge to cry came back... and once again I still didn't allow the tears to roll down my cheeks.
I do not want to allow myself to feel sorrow. I'm a fighter, and I will always fight for what is best for me and my chocolate candy."

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